Winter Wedding

Ahhhhh, the sweet smell of nature blooming after a heavy rain. It's one of my favorite smells on earth, and since I live in Southern California, not one I get to enjoy nearly enough. It reminds me of the holidays...at least, what I can recall about the Holidays. Cold winter nights spent outside on a patio or in the car listening to the rain fall with a cigar in my right hand, while my left is occupied with the warm hand of my woman - ahhhh, just great memories. Makes me wish that drive-thru movie theaters had a comeback.

Why is this relevant, you ask? Well, if you shut up and stopped asking questions I'd be able to tell you, but instead, I'm wasting time talking to you about it. Jeez. So impatient.

Anyway, as I was saying, this winter (Dec 16th to be exact) will mark a new chapter in my life. While all the thunder and lighting crashed around LA this weekend, it sparked a realization -this Christmas will be the first Christmas, with my WIFE. Crazy, right? Sure it's obvious, but I honestly never thought about it. Most people I know (who celebrate the pagan holiday) had to wait nearly a year to celebrate X-Mas with their new spouse, I'll be able to do it before my honeymoon period is over. That's pretty cool.

I'll be able to snuggle (ugh - hate that word) up next to my WIFE and listen to the rain fall, and can then promptly request the newly christened Mrs. Church to make me a delicious cup of hot coco, and make sure she doesn't forget a healthy amount of Cinnamon and sugar on top of the slowly melting marshmallows. While she's at it, she should go to the store and get me some of those cookies I like, ya know the ones with the walnuts and chocolate chips, and bake them up for me. I gotta tell ya', those things are delicious. But cookies don't really make a meal, huh? I should probably have her grab some other things for dinner too, since she's already gonna be at the store, maybe some steak and potatoes. Gotta have beer with that too and....and....oh, wait, you're still here aren't you? Crap. I was just saying what all men think...I mean, you should have heard what some of the stuff my friends told me when they got married. Ha Ha Ha! Funny stories! Ha...uh, I mean, ahem.........marriage is awesome, and it's an honor to be in the presence of such beauty. Let's have a round of applause for all the lovely ladies! Yayyy! Go Wives! Eh, that work? No? Oh........well....OMG! LOOK, A NINJA!

**Running away**

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LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

The preceding statements do not reflect the thoughts and actions of Mr. Church ("Writer") and should not be considered an accurate representation of his character. The "Writer" does not accept any responsibility for any riotous behavior resulting from said statements, and cannot be held accountable for loss of limb, sexual activities, genitalia, and in some rare instances, life. The "Writer" also does not condone the actions of Shinobi, with exception to those associated with the television program Naruto, as they are legally awesome.

Harry Potter has it easy

I'm a big fan of Harry Potter. I Love it. The epic battles, the wacky school antics, the unique coming of age story, and of course, the wide range of villainous creatures and wizards that dot the fantastical world they inhabit. Say what you will about the story of the novels and subsequent multi-million dollar film adaptations, but the world and tone that author J.K Rowling has crafted, has definitely earned all of the accolades heaped upon it. One of my favorite of these creations is the dreaded dementor.


You know what they are, right? The cloaked ringwraith inspired specters that act as jailers , and whose sole source of sustenance is the sweet taste of hope and joy. They literally suck it right out of you (not that way, pervert) and leave you a withering sack of fear and destitute. That, in my opinion, is the best thing about them. They don't actually kill you. Sure they can, but it's kinda like being stuck on a desert island with a bunch of chickens. Yeah, you could just kill them all and eat like a king for a few weeks...or you could keep them alive and feed off of the eggs they produce. It's just a matter of what your priorities are. Dementors don't need to kill to feed, but they can sure make you wish you were dead. The same can be said for my current place of employment.


I work for a multi-million dollar video game company, whose titles are shipped and enjoyed around the world. Without mentioning titles, I can almost guarantee you have heard of at least one of our games, if not played a few for yourself - we are that large. The problem is, when you are that large, there are always problems and a lot of red tape to go through to get anything done. I understand that, and really no problem with that specifically; but when you keep throwing process after process in, and the new one directly contradicts the other process previously enacted - things start to get complicated. To make matters worse, they let go of team members, and turn around and expect higher productivity that you had before the layoffs. I'm juggling the jobs of 5 people, ranging from Producer work to administrative (paying bills) and a shitload of things in between. I understand the need of this at a start up, but at a company that makes millions in profit each quarter? Yeah, there is no excuse.

So, every morning I wake up, drink some coffee, eat some breakfast, listen to the morning AM raido and generally enjoy my drive to work. It's relaxing, and most of the time I come in bright eyed ready to tackle the day. I feel even better after weekends. Yet as soon as I walk into the door of the office, and I don't mean that in a general sense, I mean literally as soon as I walk in the door, all of that joy and ambition gets sucked right out of me. Woosh. Like the company itself is draining any joy I have and beaming it directly to the brains of the CEO and President, as they sit on their thrones of gold. A bit like the Riddler did in Batman Forever, though, not quite as gay. [Ed - That's debatable. Depends on who you talk to]

So I now have the theory that my company, is in fact, a big-ass dementor. Think about it...no one I have ever met working here is happy. Not a single person. Sure some VP's or Executives are content, but that mostly due to the paycheck, there's no real enjoyment there. I know a lot of people experience this at their jobs, the boring dull-drooms of the corporate world, but take this into consideration: we make games. That's what we do. Our workweek is spent making and playing video games! Don't misunderstand and think that a lot of work is not involved when it comes to making games - you have to put in a fuck ton of hours, arguments with the team are commonplace, and you're likely to go gray at 25. As strange as this sounds though, that's all...FUN. That's what makes game development so exciting and worth the journey. You pour your heart and pride into a title and when it finally comes out, you can sit back and breathe and enjoy the fruits of your labor, before you jump back in and do it again. It's that sense of reward at the end that keeps you coming back.

You don't get that here. Any feeling of jubilation you might begin to feel at the conclusion of a project is almost immediately snuffed out. We have an ongoing joke whenever someone laughs or smiles, we say they need to stop immediately as they are going against company policy. It's that bad

I've been making video games for over 8 years, and have worked at a number of different places - some well known corporations, some not. I have never, in my entire life, worked at a place so hellbent on making it more difficult to make good product than here. They complain we don't have enough content, we present ideas - they shoot them all down without giving any reasons or other suggestions. We finally get a project approved, and we get flack for spending to much because they force us to use a grossly underdeveloped budget. We can't even set it. The Japan studio refuses to share/communicate with the other studios, the European studio fails to deliver promised content screwing over release schedules, content gets released in the US market without US consent...and the list goes on and on.

I know I'm bitching and moaning, and need a violin accompaniment, but FUCK, dementors are no joke. I need a patronus charm. Like right now.

Save me harry.FUCK

~Konshus

BEST. SONG. EVER

Cee-lo green (the lean mean soul machine) does it once again with an amazing song that hits the right note in sooooo many ways. What person has not wanted to sing a song just like this to at least one person they dated?

I've not been able to get the tune out of my head all day, and neither will you.

~Konshus

The Homo-Sapien proclimation for Nature's Emancipation (by Don King) - see what I did there?

Another day, another dollar, and another timeless rant you can print out and read to your kids before tucking their bratty asses into bed.

Today's topic: Homo-Sapiens.

People...frankly, you guys suck. No, seriously, for the most part, homosapiens are a gigantic waste of space and should never have been allowed to survive past the first ice age, and are blight on this otherwise beautiful planet. Why am I saying this you ask? Well, that's a good question Timmy - and it has two very unique answers.

(1) I am an asshole
(2) People tend to make everything waaaaaaay to complicated

Before traveling down the thorn covered passage that is topic #1, let's start with the more meatier subject - complication. Turn on the news and you'll see multiple reports and updates on the recent oil spill crisis that is taking place - still. Now, answer me this: what is oil? Not literally Bill Nye, I mean what is oil in relation to the planet? If you ask me, it's waste, bile; excess fluid that the planet produces during it's natural cycle. Humans are here to clean it up, helping our planet remain healthy. We are the colon of the planet. I'm so proud.

Now, instead of completely eradicating the viscous fluid, we humans decide "Hey! We can reuse this stuff!" and sell it to each other for a premium price. Then, as each of us buy it for various purposes, we end up burning the stuff sending toxic vapors into our atmosphere, and then panic when our air becomes less and less healthy for us to breathe.

Hmmmm, not simple enough for you, eh? Alright, let me put it this way: Imagine eating a pound of bean burritos with cheese, putting a fishbowl on your head attached to a long tube that connects directly to your asshole. Now, as you fart, the gas goes up the tube into the fishbowl on your head, and you sit there breathing in all the fumes...yum, yum. Sure, you might be able to stand it for a little while, but sooner or later, you're going to vomit, pass out, and die; mostly due to the elevated levels of methane and complete lack of oxygen.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. "Konshus, that's disgusting! Why on earth would anyone do something like that?!?" Good question - so why in the hell are we doing that to our planet? Essentially, we are taking waste, reusing it, and breathing it in. Smart move, homo-sapiens. Brilliant! Complex!

I'm no tree hugging hippie, so let's move on to something I actually care about, shall we? The Miranda rights. I was just discussing this with my father, fiance, and other scholarly gentlemen this weekend over a light lunch of Tommy's hamburgers. They have always been tweaking those pesky rules for humans, but this time, they took it a step further. The new ruling states that, YES, you do still have the right to remain silent, however, you must break the right of silence in order to express that right by saying you wish to envoke your right to remain silent. I can practically see you re-reading that sentence. Once again, homo-sapien logic shines through. Brilliant! Complex!

You see where I'm going with this?

Ya, know...a thought just occurred to me, just flashed in my mind. Tell me if this crossed your mind as well. I...am a homo-sapien. Wow. I am one of those complex creatures who drives a gas guzzling Dodge Charger, watches cop shows and drives an extra 35 miles each day to and from work. All of that, and here I am complaining about my fellow humans for the same things I do myself, nearly every day. How hypocritical. How...complex.

We have now come full circle, and if you're smart, you've realized the importance of reason #1. I am an asshole, and as such, I got you to read my entire nonsensical rant about nothing in particular just so I could achieve my writing quota for the day.

Seriously Konshus, you're a dick.

~Konshus

Wedding Blues

Weddings suck. Seriously, ladies, when you think your man dosen't want to get married because he's afraid of commitment, well, that's probably the case - but making the path to the altar strewn with conflict and endless grief doesn't help much.

See, men are simple: you tell us where to stand, we say "I, Do" and start fantasizing about all the depraved things we will we able to get away with later that night. (Half of it can only be achieved during the honeymoon, so it requires a fair amount of thought.) Women on the other hand, seem to have this convoluted vision of what they want their wedding to be like, and try and have every desire they ever had thrown in. At age 5 it was the pony ride into the ceremony, at age 12 it was her favorite band, and in college it was black pride. The result? You end up riding into a wedding on a pony, raising the black power fist while Jodeci blasts "If you think you're lonely now" over the speakers.

Don't get me wrong, I love my fiance. I want to be stuck with her for the rest of my life and laugh at all her little quirks. Being married is not the problem, it's getting there that is driving me insane. She wants a website, a blog, changes colors because they don't match invitations (!!), wants save the date, invitations and R.S.V.P cards;et cetra, et cetra, et cetra. Maybe I'm being overly reactive, but considering all I'm supposed to do is stand there during all of this - I find it a little difficult to find the desire to pay for all of this, for a single evening. It will be a kick ass evening, believe that shit, but damn...I don't want to go into debt because of it.

*Sigh* To be fair, she's being supportive and trying her best to ensure we don't spend too much money and has been willing to make concessions on a lot of points, as have I. I guess I just have a problem with the whole ceremony itself. In my opinion it sets people up for disappointment.

I see it like this: You have this elaborate wedding and it's wonderful, you're happy and everything is perfect - from there, the perception is that everyday that follows will be just as wonderful. Maybe not as lavish, but nonetheless, just as joyous. I don't think it's a conscious (pardon the pun) thought, but I do believe people buy into that feeling. Unfortunately, things don't work that way. Whatever problems you had the day before the wedding, will still be there the day after. Placing a false vision in your mind of how things will be is what causes so many marriages to fail. NOTHING in your life changes, people. The only difference is you now share a last name (which varies from couple to couple) and you can now file joint taxes. That's it. Everything else is simply emotion, and that love should have been present long before your decision to get married.

if it were up to me, I would propose, she would accept, and we would throw a big-ass BBQ with all of our friends and family to celebrate the occasion. We could file the paperwork with the state a few days before the festivities and call it a day. Total cost would be maybe $500.

But, just like Valentines Day, we have been conditioned to believe that we need a lavish wedding; and that it's the only way we can truly show how much we love one another. Just another ploy to get you to spend more $$ than you should.

Ah well, no use crying about it. It's happening. Guess I better save the date and get buy some saddle pants, it's going to be a long ride.

~Konshus

Konshus is getting married on Dec 16th 2010, in Redlands, Ca.

Apple sues HTC

This one is a bit of an old one folks, but I thought I would share it with you anyway.

It seems Apple Inc (those lovable scamps who make the iPad) are suing HTC Corp for patent infringement on over 20 patents for some of their latest smartphones running the Android OS. The funniest part about the whole thing, was that HTC didn't even know the lawsuit had been filed until they were called upon by the media to comment on the suit. Steve Jobs had even made a public statement, claiming that Apple would not sit on it's heals while their technology was being stolen. Seems a bit fishy to me...

Honesty, this lawsuit seems more directed at Google and their new Android OS. So why go after HTC instead, you ask? Well, I'm of the opinion that Apple knows Google has the cash to lawyer up and keep this in litigation for years if not a decade. It doesn't help that the lawsuit is based on a group of patents that were written very very technically, and whose ages range from the 90's to early February 2010. It will take so long for anything to get ironed out in this case, they knew that Google could point to that and stall this, possibly, indefinitely.

Here is where HTC comes in. Apple knows they are not nearly a big enough company to let this linger for years, so, they decide to hit them for their "implementation" of the Android OS into their phones. It's a loose suit, but still valid since they claim the patents are being infringed upon. All of this is not written in the suit, mind you, but it makes sense. Apple wants to go after Google, but can't do it directly as the company is to powerful and a frontal assault won't work. They need to flank them, so by suing HTC, they have a much better chance to win - either via a settle or court ruling - which would establish a precedent. This could, in turn, be used in any claim against Google, as it would show that these patents were being used unlawfully, on Android OS phones. I'm no lawyer, but I can totally see how this could put Google in weakened position in the courts.

Steve Jobs is a lot of things, but no one can ever claim he is a fool. This seems like a calculated move on Apple's part, and it will be very interesting to see how this all plays out. Right now, I'm sticking with the iPhone. Don't hurt me Apple. I bruise.

~ KONSHUS

Interested on detailed information on the patent(s) in question? Check out this link: http://www.engadget.com/2010/03/02/apple-vs-htc-a-patent-breakdown/

Chris Brown whines to Fans

Chris Brown's had it rough. First his girlfriend calls him mean names while he's driving, and next thing he knows he's on all major news outlets for teaching her a little lesson. Yeah, maybe things got a little out of hand and she ended up in the hospital, but you know, I heard she said he couldn't dance. There is no need for that; it's just plain mean.

Shortly after that, he gets arrested, Jay-Z and Beyonce publicly state that they will not attend the 2009 grammy awards if he showed up, he gets convicted on some bullshit and was constantly bombarded by reporters while he was doing his court appointed Cal Trans work. NOW, it seems certain radio stations won't even play his music! It's a damn travesty.

So now he's calling upon his fans for help. So, all you CB supporters out there, let's help our man out! He can't afford to be a underground mixtape artist! He said it himself, he's just to damn good for that!

Listen up:

http://www.saynow.com/playMsg.html?ak=SFoxTEZ2bDd5NXVUUHhObEM2eEJ2UT09


You'll help him out, won't you? *sniff*

~ Konshus

Wrath of Kon(shus) - Final Fantasy XIII: XBOX vs PS3?

If you follow gaming news, it's likely you've heard about a the potential sleeper-hit named "Final Fantasy XIII" from the rising development studio Square-Enix. Of course, even if you play games casually you'll probably know that was sarcasm, as Final Fantasy XIII is easily one of the most anticipated games of 2010, and we're still only in the 3rd month. It's also likely that you've heard numerous reports about the significant difference in quality from the PS3 and XBOX360 versions. This discussion has been hitting the internet since the game was first announced as multi-platform, but how much stock should you put in all the hoopla? More importantly, should you even care?

Let's get the facts out right from the jump: Yes, the Playstation 3 version of Final Fantasy XIII is indeed superior in graphical presentation than it's XBOX360 counterpart. The difference is small, but noticeable, which increases if you play on a TV capable of displaying 1080p. Now, I've scoured the message boards and forums and, as you can imagine, I've come across all kinds of inflammatory comments. They range from logical thought-out responses to idiotic Playstation fanboys jumping on the rare opportunity to trash Microsoft's system. Most of them can't even explain what the difference is, they just jump on the hate wagon and post as much as they can to make fun of 360 owners, because for once a mult-platform release is superior on "their" console.


video courtesy of Gamevideos.1up.com

Which leads me to this weeks wrath. I hate fanboys.

I get it PS3 fans. Bayonetta was superior on the 360; as was Oblivion, Modern Warfare 2, Brutal Legend, Resident Evil 5, and many, many more. Some were subtle improvements, where others were so bad a patch was needed to address some of the more glaring issues (I see you Bayonetta). Now, finally, a PS3 release is superior to the 360 one. "YES! Time to log into neogaf and get revenge on all those 360 fanboy fuckers!!" I get it Ps3 fanboys...I just hate it.

Has one of you even stopped to consider why the PS3 version of Final Fantasy XIII is better? It's not because PS3 is so much more powerful than the 360; it's not because of the developers spent less time with the 360 version, and no, it's not because Microsoft sucks and Sony paid Square-Enix off for a superior product. The reason is simple: storage space. Currently, the game is compressed to run across 3 dual-layer DVD's - about 25.5GB of space. Comparatively, the Playstation 3 version is uncompressed on a single 50GB dual-layer BluRay disk. If you do the math, that means Square-Enix would have had to release the game across 6 discs, instead of the 3. That would have cut into their profits, which they would have passed on to the consumer by charging more for the 360 version, and in order to do that, they would have needed to add exclusive content, which would have pissed off PS3 fans - and so on, and so on, and so on.

Let me be clear - I am not a Microsoft fanboy. I'm not a fanboy of any kind, because I don't see the point in rallying for a muti-million dollar corporation. I'm sorry, but I don't feel honored to spend my hard earned money on their product. If you do, then I'm pretty sure you plan to stand in line to buy an iPad on day 1; and I just can't help you.

In the end, the difference is so minor, it really dosen't matter which system you play it on, just grab it for whichever system you have. It's a fantastic game, so even if you own both platforms, you really can't lose. Don't let the ramblings of some Microsoft or Sony nut change your opinion or make you feel bad about your decision - in the end, the only person you need to please is you. So, next time you're on a forum and see some random fanboy slamming another system - don't reply, just be proud you have enough confidence in your own opinion to not seek reinforcement from others. That's a good thing.

~Konshus

The First Day....

I just started this blog. I know nothing about how blogging works, or even how to get people interested in reading about whatever crazy idea pops into my head from day to day. It's not that I'm some grand adventurer spanning the globe making a difference wherever I lay my head; or a major player in some revolution against some political machine we find ourselves dependent upon. No, I'm just a regular guy who makes video games for a living.

Which is why I started this blog. Video games, for as much fun as they are, are seriously a bitch to create. Major corporations always have the same issues: lack of proper communication, artistic differences, etc...but in Video Game production, all of those issues are like being naked center stage at a concert - there is no escape, and you must be bat-shit insane. This blog was an attempt to try and reclaim some of my sanity during those times. I plan on ranting and raving about multiple issues - both within my industry and outside of it, and hopefully provide a much better perspective into what goes into making these games.

It won't be all bad, every once in a while I'll have some news to share. Maybe even a few XBLA or PSN codes. So check back early and often. On the plus side, if you didn't like what I wrote here, rest assured - I can only improve from here.

KONSHUS