Cee-lo green (the lean mean soul machine) does it once again with an amazing song that hits the right note in sooooo many ways. What person has not wanted to sing a song just like this to at least one person they dated?
I've not been able to get the tune out of my head all day, and neither will you.
~Konshus
Friday, August 20, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
The Homo-Sapien proclimation for Nature's Emancipation (by Don King) - see what I did there?
Another day, another dollar, and another timeless rant you can print out and read to your kids before tucking their bratty asses into bed.
Today's topic: Homo-Sapiens.
People...frankly, you guys suck. No, seriously, for the most part, homosapiens are a gigantic waste of space and should never have been allowed to survive past the first ice age, and are blight on this otherwise beautiful planet. Why am I saying this you ask? Well, that's a good question Timmy - and it has two very unique answers.
(1) I am an asshole
(2) People tend to make everything waaaaaaay to complicated
Before traveling down the thorn covered passage that is topic #1, let's start with the more meatier subject - complication. Turn on the news and you'll see multiple reports and updates on the recent oil spill crisis that is taking place - still. Now, answer me this: what is oil? Not literally Bill Nye, I mean what is oil in relation to the planet? If you ask me, it's waste, bile; excess fluid that the planet produces during it's natural cycle. Humans are here to clean it up, helping our planet remain healthy. We are the colon of the planet. I'm so proud.
Now, instead of completely eradicating the viscous fluid, we humans decide "Hey! We can reuse this stuff!" and sell it to each other for a premium price. Then, as each of us buy it for various purposes, we end up burning the stuff sending toxic vapors into our atmosphere, and then panic when our air becomes less and less healthy for us to breathe.
Hmmmm, not simple enough for you, eh? Alright, let me put it this way: Imagine eating a pound of bean burritos with cheese, putting a fishbowl on your head attached to a long tube that connects directly to your asshole. Now, as you fart, the gas goes up the tube into the fishbowl on your head, and you sit there breathing in all the fumes...yum, yum. Sure, you might be able to stand it for a little while, but sooner or later, you're going to vomit, pass out, and die; mostly due to the elevated levels of methane and complete lack of oxygen.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. "Konshus, that's disgusting! Why on earth would anyone do something like that?!?" Good question - so why in the hell are we doing that to our planet? Essentially, we are taking waste, reusing it, and breathing it in. Smart move, homo-sapiens. Brilliant! Complex!
I'm no tree hugging hippie, so let's move on to something I actually care about, shall we? The Miranda rights. I was just discussing this with my father, fiance, and other scholarly gentlemen this weekend over a light lunch of Tommy's hamburgers. They have always been tweaking those pesky rules for humans, but this time, they took it a step further. The new ruling states that, YES, you do still have the right to remain silent, however, you must break the right of silence in order to express that right by saying you wish to envoke your right to remain silent. I can practically see you re-reading that sentence. Once again, homo-sapien logic shines through. Brilliant! Complex!
You see where I'm going with this?
Ya, know...a thought just occurred to me, just flashed in my mind. Tell me if this crossed your mind as well. I...am a homo-sapien. Wow. I am one of those complex creatures who drives a gas guzzling Dodge Charger, watches cop shows and drives an extra 35 miles each day to and from work. All of that, and here I am complaining about my fellow humans for the same things I do myself, nearly every day. How hypocritical. How...complex.
We have now come full circle, and if you're smart, you've realized the importance of reason #1. I am an asshole, and as such, I got you to read my entire nonsensical rant about nothing in particular just so I could achieve my writing quota for the day.
Seriously Konshus, you're a dick.
~Konshus
Today's topic: Homo-Sapiens.
People...frankly, you guys suck. No, seriously, for the most part, homosapiens are a gigantic waste of space and should never have been allowed to survive past the first ice age, and are blight on this otherwise beautiful planet. Why am I saying this you ask? Well, that's a good question Timmy - and it has two very unique answers.
(1) I am an asshole
(2) People tend to make everything waaaaaaay to complicated
Before traveling down the thorn covered passage that is topic #1, let's start with the more meatier subject - complication. Turn on the news and you'll see multiple reports and updates on the recent oil spill crisis that is taking place - still. Now, answer me this: what is oil? Not literally Bill Nye, I mean what is oil in relation to the planet? If you ask me, it's waste, bile; excess fluid that the planet produces during it's natural cycle. Humans are here to clean it up, helping our planet remain healthy. We are the colon of the planet. I'm so proud.
Now, instead of completely eradicating the viscous fluid, we humans decide "Hey! We can reuse this stuff!" and sell it to each other for a premium price. Then, as each of us buy it for various purposes, we end up burning the stuff sending toxic vapors into our atmosphere, and then panic when our air becomes less and less healthy for us to breathe.
Hmmmm, not simple enough for you, eh? Alright, let me put it this way: Imagine eating a pound of bean burritos with cheese, putting a fishbowl on your head attached to a long tube that connects directly to your asshole. Now, as you fart, the gas goes up the tube into the fishbowl on your head, and you sit there breathing in all the fumes...yum, yum. Sure, you might be able to stand it for a little while, but sooner or later, you're going to vomit, pass out, and die; mostly due to the elevated levels of methane and complete lack of oxygen.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. "Konshus, that's disgusting! Why on earth would anyone do something like that?!?" Good question - so why in the hell are we doing that to our planet? Essentially, we are taking waste, reusing it, and breathing it in. Smart move, homo-sapiens. Brilliant! Complex!
I'm no tree hugging hippie, so let's move on to something I actually care about, shall we? The Miranda rights. I was just discussing this with my father, fiance, and other scholarly gentlemen this weekend over a light lunch of Tommy's hamburgers. They have always been tweaking those pesky rules for humans, but this time, they took it a step further. The new ruling states that, YES, you do still have the right to remain silent, however, you must break the right of silence in order to express that right by saying you wish to envoke your right to remain silent. I can practically see you re-reading that sentence. Once again, homo-sapien logic shines through. Brilliant! Complex!
You see where I'm going with this?
Ya, know...a thought just occurred to me, just flashed in my mind. Tell me if this crossed your mind as well. I...am a homo-sapien. Wow. I am one of those complex creatures who drives a gas guzzling Dodge Charger, watches cop shows and drives an extra 35 miles each day to and from work. All of that, and here I am complaining about my fellow humans for the same things I do myself, nearly every day. How hypocritical. How...complex.
We have now come full circle, and if you're smart, you've realized the importance of reason #1. I am an asshole, and as such, I got you to read my entire nonsensical rant about nothing in particular just so I could achieve my writing quota for the day.
Seriously Konshus, you're a dick.
~Konshus
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Wedding Blues
Weddings suck. Seriously, ladies, when you think your man dosen't want to get married because he's afraid of commitment, well, that's probably the case - but making the path to the altar strewn with conflict and endless grief doesn't help much.
See, men are simple: you tell us where to stand, we say "I, Do" and start fantasizing about all the depraved things we will we able to get away with later that night. (Half of it can only be achieved during the honeymoon, so it requires a fair amount of thought.) Women on the other hand, seem to have this convoluted vision of what they want their wedding to be like, and try and have every desire they ever had thrown in. At age 5 it was the pony ride into the ceremony, at age 12 it was her favorite band, and in college it was black pride. The result? You end up riding into a wedding on a pony, raising the black power fist while Jodeci blasts "If you think you're lonely now" over the speakers.
Don't get me wrong, I love my fiance. I want to be stuck with her for the rest of my life and laugh at all her little quirks. Being married is not the problem, it's getting there that is driving me insane. She wants a website, a blog, changes colors because they don't match invitations (!!), wants save the date, invitations and R.S.V.P cards;et cetra, et cetra, et cetra. Maybe I'm being overly reactive, but considering all I'm supposed to do is stand there during all of this - I find it a little difficult to find the desire to pay for all of this, for a single evening. It will be a kick ass evening, believe that shit, but damn...I don't want to go into debt because of it.
*Sigh* To be fair, she's being supportive and trying her best to ensure we don't spend too much money and has been willing to make concessions on a lot of points, as have I. I guess I just have a problem with the whole ceremony itself. In my opinion it sets people up for disappointment.
I see it like this: You have this elaborate wedding and it's wonderful, you're happy and everything is perfect - from there, the perception is that everyday that follows will be just as wonderful. Maybe not as lavish, but nonetheless, just as joyous. I don't think it's a conscious (pardon the pun) thought, but I do believe people buy into that feeling. Unfortunately, things don't work that way. Whatever problems you had the day before the wedding, will still be there the day after. Placing a false vision in your mind of how things will be is what causes so many marriages to fail. NOTHING in your life changes, people. The only difference is you now share a last name (which varies from couple to couple) and you can now file joint taxes. That's it. Everything else is simply emotion, and that love should have been present long before your decision to get married.
if it were up to me, I would propose, she would accept, and we would throw a big-ass BBQ with all of our friends and family to celebrate the occasion. We could file the paperwork with the state a few days before the festivities and call it a day. Total cost would be maybe $500.
But, just like Valentines Day, we have been conditioned to believe that we need a lavish wedding; and that it's the only way we can truly show how much we love one another. Just another ploy to get you to spend more $$ than you should.
Ah well, no use crying about it. It's happening. Guess I better save the date and get buy some saddle pants, it's going to be a long ride.
~Konshus
Konshus is getting married on Dec 16th 2010, in Redlands, Ca.
See, men are simple: you tell us where to stand, we say "I, Do" and start fantasizing about all the depraved things we will we able to get away with later that night. (Half of it can only be achieved during the honeymoon, so it requires a fair amount of thought.) Women on the other hand, seem to have this convoluted vision of what they want their wedding to be like, and try and have every desire they ever had thrown in. At age 5 it was the pony ride into the ceremony, at age 12 it was her favorite band, and in college it was black pride. The result? You end up riding into a wedding on a pony, raising the black power fist while Jodeci blasts "If you think you're lonely now" over the speakers.
Don't get me wrong, I love my fiance. I want to be stuck with her for the rest of my life and laugh at all her little quirks. Being married is not the problem, it's getting there that is driving me insane. She wants a website, a blog, changes colors because they don't match invitations (!!), wants save the date, invitations and R.S.V.P cards;et cetra, et cetra, et cetra. Maybe I'm being overly reactive, but considering all I'm supposed to do is stand there during all of this - I find it a little difficult to find the desire to pay for all of this, for a single evening. It will be a kick ass evening, believe that shit, but damn...I don't want to go into debt because of it.
*Sigh* To be fair, she's being supportive and trying her best to ensure we don't spend too much money and has been willing to make concessions on a lot of points, as have I. I guess I just have a problem with the whole ceremony itself. In my opinion it sets people up for disappointment.
I see it like this: You have this elaborate wedding and it's wonderful, you're happy and everything is perfect - from there, the perception is that everyday that follows will be just as wonderful. Maybe not as lavish, but nonetheless, just as joyous. I don't think it's a conscious (pardon the pun) thought, but I do believe people buy into that feeling. Unfortunately, things don't work that way. Whatever problems you had the day before the wedding, will still be there the day after. Placing a false vision in your mind of how things will be is what causes so many marriages to fail. NOTHING in your life changes, people. The only difference is you now share a last name (which varies from couple to couple) and you can now file joint taxes. That's it. Everything else is simply emotion, and that love should have been present long before your decision to get married.
if it were up to me, I would propose, she would accept, and we would throw a big-ass BBQ with all of our friends and family to celebrate the occasion. We could file the paperwork with the state a few days before the festivities and call it a day. Total cost would be maybe $500.
But, just like Valentines Day, we have been conditioned to believe that we need a lavish wedding; and that it's the only way we can truly show how much we love one another. Just another ploy to get you to spend more $$ than you should.
Ah well, no use crying about it. It's happening. Guess I better save the date and get buy some saddle pants, it's going to be a long ride.
~Konshus
Konshus is getting married on Dec 16th 2010, in Redlands, Ca.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)