Wedding Blues

Weddings suck. Seriously, ladies, when you think your man dosen't want to get married because he's afraid of commitment, well, that's probably the case - but making the path to the altar strewn with conflict and endless grief doesn't help much.

See, men are simple: you tell us where to stand, we say "I, Do" and start fantasizing about all the depraved things we will we able to get away with later that night. (Half of it can only be achieved during the honeymoon, so it requires a fair amount of thought.) Women on the other hand, seem to have this convoluted vision of what they want their wedding to be like, and try and have every desire they ever had thrown in. At age 5 it was the pony ride into the ceremony, at age 12 it was her favorite band, and in college it was black pride. The result? You end up riding into a wedding on a pony, raising the black power fist while Jodeci blasts "If you think you're lonely now" over the speakers.

Don't get me wrong, I love my fiance. I want to be stuck with her for the rest of my life and laugh at all her little quirks. Being married is not the problem, it's getting there that is driving me insane. She wants a website, a blog, changes colors because they don't match invitations (!!), wants save the date, invitations and R.S.V.P cards;et cetra, et cetra, et cetra. Maybe I'm being overly reactive, but considering all I'm supposed to do is stand there during all of this - I find it a little difficult to find the desire to pay for all of this, for a single evening. It will be a kick ass evening, believe that shit, but damn...I don't want to go into debt because of it.

*Sigh* To be fair, she's being supportive and trying her best to ensure we don't spend too much money and has been willing to make concessions on a lot of points, as have I. I guess I just have a problem with the whole ceremony itself. In my opinion it sets people up for disappointment.

I see it like this: You have this elaborate wedding and it's wonderful, you're happy and everything is perfect - from there, the perception is that everyday that follows will be just as wonderful. Maybe not as lavish, but nonetheless, just as joyous. I don't think it's a conscious (pardon the pun) thought, but I do believe people buy into that feeling. Unfortunately, things don't work that way. Whatever problems you had the day before the wedding, will still be there the day after. Placing a false vision in your mind of how things will be is what causes so many marriages to fail. NOTHING in your life changes, people. The only difference is you now share a last name (which varies from couple to couple) and you can now file joint taxes. That's it. Everything else is simply emotion, and that love should have been present long before your decision to get married.

if it were up to me, I would propose, she would accept, and we would throw a big-ass BBQ with all of our friends and family to celebrate the occasion. We could file the paperwork with the state a few days before the festivities and call it a day. Total cost would be maybe $500.

But, just like Valentines Day, we have been conditioned to believe that we need a lavish wedding; and that it's the only way we can truly show how much we love one another. Just another ploy to get you to spend more $$ than you should.

Ah well, no use crying about it. It's happening. Guess I better save the date and get buy some saddle pants, it's going to be a long ride.

~Konshus

Konshus is getting married on Dec 16th 2010, in Redlands, Ca.